After nearly 4 months of Unemployment and a fair few knock backs at interviews, I occasionally find myself at a bit of a low ebb. Last night was one such time. “Raised a Catholic always guilty” I remember a cousin saying to me once in Ireland. Although I have not practised since I was 15 when I could no longer make sense of the hypocrisy of the Church, I have always felt indelibly touched by it through my upbringing and feel increasingly drawn to it as I get older.
I have always held a spiritual belief, in nature and that it must have been created by something. I hold this to be true through common sense and rationalisation. However, I find myself drawn to the idea of Jesus frequently. I fully accept the historical Jesus Christ, but am not sure about the Jesus of the Bible. Clearly this is a leap of faith, but one I am struggling to make.
With this in mind, I challenged God to give me a sign I should make this leap, and what would it look like. I am not sure what I expected, a bolt of lightning maybe, perhaps a burning bush or a swarm of locusts?
What did happened is I heard these songs in this order whilst my I Pod was on shuffle:
My city of ruins – Bruce Springsteen
Every grain of sand – Emmy Lou Harris
People Get Ready – Curtis Mayfield
Jesus was an only son – Bruce Springsteen
Something in the water – Carrie Underwood
Half of me is furious with myself for being so weak, seeking comfort in difficult times , opiate of the people etc. the other half feels like I’m waiting for something to happen. Was this it? Advice and thoughts welcome…Enjoy the tracks.